I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
