She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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