Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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