It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
