I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
