Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
