Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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