I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
