Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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