I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
