So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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