I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
smell my finger.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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