Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
