you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
