Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
