i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize