hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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