Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize