im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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