Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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