I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
