Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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