I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
