I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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