and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
