he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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