last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
