Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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