Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
