mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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