i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
