i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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