Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I think weed is turning my hair brown
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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