dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Randomize
