I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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