I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
