also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
