he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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