some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize