HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
