so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
