and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
