i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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