Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
