There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
