I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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