it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
