Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
