i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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