I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
