Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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