I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
