god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
