She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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