His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize