you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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