i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
