I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
