I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
