If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
