I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
