Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(801): View more from Utah

all he gave me for my birthday was sperm

(254): View more from Texas

at least its a homemade gift

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(204): View more from Manitoba

Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend

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(203): View more from Connecticut

That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...

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(864): View more from South Carolina

Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.

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(260): View more from Indiana

U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks

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(505): View more from New Mexico

You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"

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(860): View more from Connecticut

My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.

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(519): View more from Ontario

I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while

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(502): View more from Kentucky

They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.

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